Extracare Rewards

I’ve expressed before my concerns with technology and its power to make me feel like an asshat, but I’m wondering if it’s time to rethink my position.

To illustrate, I’ll recall a recent encounter at CVS. It was early on a Sunday morning and I chose CVS because of its proximity to my apartment, its wide variety of snacks and beverages, and because I knew I could use my debit card. I bought a block of cheese, a box of Wheat Thins, a Gatorade, and an 18-pack of toilet paper. As I completed my transaction at the self-checkout kiosk, unshowered and hungover in days-old sweatpants, my receipt printed out with coupons for:

• $2.00 off any 2 deodorants
• $1.00 of antacids
• $2.00 off two boxes of Kudos bars
• $3.00 off $10.00 spent on health care products

It seemed pointed, critical. As if the self-checkout kiosk could see me standing there in my glorified pajamas and the remains of last night’s make-up. As if it could sense my intention to consume all of the products (with the possible exception of the toilet paper) that morning, on my couch, watching episodes of Gypsy Wives on TLC. As if it could sense my impending emotional hangover and wanted to fan the flames under the guise of offering me friendly deals on health care products that might be good for me, unlike, say, an entire block of extra sharp cheddar at nine in the morning.

‘These Wheat Thins are reduced fat!’ I thought to myself, my indignation toward the kiosk slowly building until there, at the self-checkout kiosk of my local CVS, I had -- as Oprah might say -- an Aha! moment. Maybe this CVS self-checkout kiosk wasn’t judging me and trying to make me feel like a disgusting person. Instead, maybe the kiosk was trying to help me, to guide me by gentle suggestion via in-store coupon, to lead a cleaner, healthier life. Maybe it was just trying to give me the self-checkout kiosk equivalent of a friendly head tussle and suggesting that maybe if I popped an antacid, applied some fresh deodorant, and indulged in a few health care products, well, I might triumph over my emotional hangover yet.

More importantly, I realized that maybe the reason I felt terrible about myself was not because the CVS coupon generator determined that it might behoove me to buy some antacids and at least two deodorants. But rather, the reason I felt terrible about myself for being hungover in sweatpants buying cheese at CVS at 9am on a Sunday morning was precisely because I was hungover in sweatpants buying cheese at CVS at 9am on a Sunday morning.

You be the judge.