Come down watch the whole thing explode

In college I had a friend with a tendency to talk endlessly. Once, while walking together to the library to study, she regaled me with a story about the thoughtfulness of her new boyfriend.

It happened that he was going off-campus to the run some errands and so he asked her if he could pick up anything for her. She asked him to pick her up some shaving cream, and as he wouldn’t accept any money from him for the item, she requested whatever brand was cheapest. When he returned, he presented her with a can of brand name shaving cream made especially for sensitive skin. She was flattered! I guess when you’re in college nothing says ‘I really like you’ like national brand shaving cream, except for maybe a mixed CD.

All I could think of while listening to this story was: What about me says I care to listen to you talk about the shaving cream your boyfriend bought for you? What about me screams that I have so few interesting things going on in my life that I would find it interesting to talk about the purported meaning behind the extra $1.50 your boyfriend spent on you at the drugstore? Ninety-nine percent of me was certain that the dullness of the story was a reflection on the teller but a small part of me was filled with self-doubt: Was it me? Was I a dull-seeming person, deserving of mindless stories about shaving cream?

It was the birth of the Shaving Cream Complex. Definition time:

• Sha·ving Cream Com·plex /shey-ving kreem kuhm-pleks / n. characterizes the sense of self-doubt that creeps into my head when I find myself in a moderately depressing situation; one in which it is impossible to prove whether or not the sadness of the situation adheres in the situation itself or is a reflection on me. The mere idea that the situation I find myself in could be a direct reflection on me makes the situation exponentially more depressing and is a tremendous blow to my self-esteem.

The Shaving Cream Complex has continued to pop up in my life:

I might find myself at work, spending forty-five minutes looking for file, only to have the person who asked me to look for the file come back to tell me, rather unapologetically, ‘Whoops! I was wrong; it never existed.” In this moment, I think to myself: Is it me? Am I such a lackluster-seeming worker that hunting for something that never existed is as good a use of my time as any?

I might find myself out on a date, listening to my suitor tell me about how he’s recently started buying lunch meat to make himself sandwiches to take to work. In this moment, I think to myself: Is it me? Am I so bland-seeming a person as to be wowed by a man’s accomplishment of a menial task that most third graders wouldn’t pride themselves on?

When I find myself confronted by The Shaving Cream Complex, I take myself back to that walk to the library so many years ago when I resolved never to be the type of person to talk about, or seem deserving of listening to talk about, the merits of national versus store brand shaving cream gift purchases in the early stages of a relationship and things of that nature. There are far too many more important and interesting things to talk about, like common recipes that can be improved by the addition of bacon (Anything!) or Kim Richard’s abuse substance of choice (Everything!).

Hark: “Greeks! You were not born to live like brutes, but to press onward toward manhood and recognition!”

So tell me friends, have you ever been gripped by the Shaving Cream Complex? Or maybe you have a unique complex of your own. Do share.

It's a love story, baby just say yes.

I thought I was a person pretty well informed about love. I read poetry, I’ve heard 1st Corinthians at every wedding I’ve ever attended, and I’m lucky to have a number of good role models of healthy, loving relationships. But after listening to Taylor Swift on Pandora recently, I started to doubt myself. Love according to Taylor Swift is very different than love as I thought I knew it.

From what I can tell, love according to Taylor Swift has three main components: Never having be alone; being someone’s entire life; and meaningful crying. I’ve selected lyrics from her oeuvre that demonstrate the importance of these elements.

1. Never having to be alone
Lyrical examples

• “Then you took me by surprise / You said ‘I’ll never leave you alone’” [Mine]
• “Marry me Juliet, you’ll never have to be alone.” [Love Story]
• “Hey Stephen, boy you might have me believing I don't always have to be alone. [Hey Stephen]

By far, the most crucial aspect of true love is that having it means you never have to be by yourself EVER AGAIN. A couple that I went to college with were notorious because they did everything together; they were even spotted at the track, running together holding hands. At the time I judged them harshly but now I realize they were simply in true love. There is a great comfort in knowing that once you fall in love, you’ll never have to venture into a room full of strangers, or your bathroom, solo.  

2. Being someone’s entire life.
Lyrical examples:

• “Everything I need is right here by my side. / And I know everything about you / I don't wanna live without you.” [I’m Only Me When I’m with You]
• “Take me back to the creek beds we turned up / Two A.M. riding in your truck and all I need is you next to me” [Mary’s Song]
• “So baby come hold me tight cause / I want to be everything you need” [Beautiful Eyes]

It might seem that never having to be alone and being someone’s entire life are two versions of the same thing. But being the other person’s entire life takes never having to be alone one step further. Not only will you never have to be alone, but also, you’ll never need anyone else. The love of your life should be both your everything and your only thing.

3. Meaningful crying:
Lyrical examples:

• “I miss your tanned skin, your sweet smile, / So good to me, so right / And how you held me in your arms that September night -- / The first time you ever saw me cry.” [Back to December]

• “Oh I remember you driving to my house in the middle of the night / I'm the one who makes you laugh when you know you're about to cry.” [You Belong with Me]
• “The time is gonna come when you're so mad you could cry / But I'll hold you through the night until you smile” [Jump Then Fall]

Inevitably, we will all encounter things in life that make us want to cry; maybe you don’t get voted prom queen, or you have a day when you’re feeling really fat. Crying in front of someone can make you feel very vulnerable, so when you find someone that you feel comfortable crying in front of, it does seem like milestone. Besides, if it’s really true love, then you won’t be able to escape crying in front of that person, because he’ll be around you all the time. You don’t really have a choice but to cry in front of him.

I think the following from Taylor’s hit Safe and Sound off the Hunger Games soundtrack sums it up nicely:

“I remember tears streaming down your face / When I said, I'll never let you go / When all those shadows almost killed your light /I remember you said, Don't leave me here alone”

This lyric combines all major elements essential to love according to Taylor Swift. It doesn’t hurt to have the support of the lovely The Civil Wars, but really what drives this song home is its depiction of love, smothering, one-dimensional, over-wrought love. Bravo Taylor! And thank you for helping me better understand true love. I’ve been going about it all wrong.