After shelling out my $20 co-pay, my doctor took approximately two minutes to go over my results with me. This consisted of her saying, “Everything looks great! I wish all my patients had results like these!” Then she shook her head and said, “Why are you having these headaches? Are you depressed?” I told her that I was pretty certain I wasn’t depressed and so she promptly closed up my file and told me she’d see me in September for my physical.
Needless to say the whole visit got me pretty fired up but what angered me the most was when she asked me, “Why are you having headaches? Are you depressed?”
Excuse me? I don’t know why I’m having the headaches. That’s why I’m here, asking you about my headaches, getting my blood taken to determine whether or not I have any sort of headache-causing deficiencies.
My (now former) doctor asked me an idiot question:
- Id·i·ot quest·ion /ideeәt kwéschәn/ n. a question to which the answer must necessarily begin with the statement: Idiot; usually posed by a person who should be answering the question instead of repeating it directly back to the person who asked it in the first place.
My (paltry) dating life offers another good example of an idiot question. I’ve tried my hand at a number of dating outlets, including speed dating. During one of my speed dates, the guy across from me asked me how I was still single. I assume he meant it as a compliment. He was implying that it should be impossible that a girl like me should be speed-dating in lame bar on a weeknight instead of out with her great boyfriend.
I gave him a lame reply and shoulder shrug. What I wanted to say was, “Idiot. If I knew why I was single, I wouldn’t still be single. I would have figured out my problem, fixed it, and found someone to date for more than five minutes at a time. Instead my major personality malfunction escapes me like some sort of dog whistle, audible only to decent single men in Manhattan in their mid-to-late twenties.” That fool asked me an idiot question.
Does asking an idiot question make you an idiot? Not necessarily, as I’m fairly certain that I’m guilty of asking idiot questions. However, asking idiot questions does make you a jackass in that particular situation. Have you been the victim of idiot questions? Share them in the comments.
This doesn't strictly fit into the definition of an idiot question, but its a often-discussed O'Brien family favorite. When you go out to local restaurant and have just been served your food, the waiter/waitress will come up and ask, how does everything 'taste'? The use of the word taste makes me question the type of food you are serving at this establishment, sir. Shouldn't the assumption be that everything tastes okay? Is your chef prone to using expired milk or mixing up sugar and salt?
ReplyDeleteInstead, I recommend wait staff ask, 'how are you faring?' because everyone appreciates a good pun.